Thinking about a truck

It's too painful. I'm sure of that. Walking by, next to you. It's really scaring, not saying anything, not even looking to your eyes because then, I would fall in your arms and right now I just don't want that. I'm afraid of myself. Loosing control, doing things that I said I wouldn't. I'm broken inside. I'm tired. And sometimes, I find myself thinking that maybe, the best thing in the world would be if I get hit by a truck, just to stop thinking in anything else. To forget the mess my life is. To shut up this voice that says to me that I'm never going to be happy. It's too painful. And I wonder when it's going to end. I wonder what is this awful thing I done in my life, to deserve all of this. I make myself that question everyday. But with the same silence, I get no answer. Everything is falling apart so badly. And It's too painful. So freaking painful.